Paint schemes
by Wlshman
Summary: A trio of Ork-based stories on why certain colours matter. Now, while everyone know the yellow means your rich and that being red makes you go fasta, what about the lesser used colours of blue, pink and purple. Authors note: It's not that my grammar is awful for these but your average Ork doesn't tend to speak in fluent English. If it's hard to understand that's cause it should be
1. Blue makes you lucky

Dagbaz "Da Pilfergit" was stumped. The Ork had no idea what was wrong with his brand new deffgun, and neither did the Mek who'd made it for him. It just wouldn't fire. Seemed fine as a makeshift-choppa, as the squashed grot underneath him attested to, but he hadn't looted that much scrap and teef just to get a faulty weapon.

It certainly looked roight and proppa, lots of flash and bitz and…and…The Deathskulls Orks breath caught in his throat. No Blue Paint! Well no wonder it wasn't firing, he grumbled to himself, "S'not blue enough".

Rummaging through the nearby paint cans Dagbaz came upon a deep blue shade and liberally pawed the paint over his new gun. "Dere we go", he thought, "Lets try dat". He pulled the trigger and was blown off his feet with a loud bang. Shaking his head, the Ork staggered upright to find his lucky new gun still in one piece and yelling from the humie trenches across the way "Ork snipers! They shot the Commisar!" Laughing, Dagbaz grabbed a handful of teef out of his pouch, passed them to the Mek and grabbed the rest of the paint can. As the Boss called for a new charge the Ork poured the paint over himself and thought "Damn, it's good to be blue"


	2. Pink makes you slow

Skyboss Wingnutz scowled as he heard the signature whooshing of the pointy-ears jets. "Great, more lost planes" he muttered. "Can't even catch the blasted gits, da panzees are too fast for us"

He had to admit, the Eldar knew what they were doing. He'd never seen such a thorough red paint job in his life before. His custom-dakkajet should've been able to outspeed them, but to no avail. He wasn't sure where he was going to get that much red paint either, waste of grots that was. Red, red, red, re-wait a minute. Wingnutz paused as an idea blossomed in his head and then took off sprinting towards the Meks hangar.

Some hours later Wingnutz was up in the air with a few other jets and a burna-bomma loaded up with his special surprise. The Dakkajets loitered around for a bit until the telltale contrails of the Hemlocks appeared in the distance, then they scattered.

Ignoring them, the Eldar fighters beelined for the more valuable bomber, which seemed to be falling to pieces on its own. They put a quartet of beams into it and as it started to buckle the bomber came apart violently, but in a massive cloud of mist. All of the Hemlocks went through the cloud only to emerge nearly covered end-to-end in pink paint. They slowed down considerably, the pilots all but blinded.

With that Wingnutz and his boyz jumped them. His plan had worked it seemed. Now that his planes were more red than the pointy-ears planes were, his jet was moving way faster than thiers. After all, pink was like the humiez, slow and daft "I got you now, ya gitz" the Ork laughed "Dakka Dakka Dakka!"


	3. Purple makes you sneaky

The little girl shivered again and threw the covers over herself. That banging again. It had to be the monster under the bed. Her mother had initially told her that she should just pray to the Emperor more but that wasn't working. Eventually her mother became too tired to get up to her daughter's screaming and had just settled for locking her in her room. Her father, a general in the PDF, was also too tired to deal with his daughter, with the recent Feral Ork troubles, and just ignored her.

Whunk! Whunk! Whunk!

Now it sounded like the monster was bashing at the floorboards to remove them. The little girl breathed in and out a few times and mouthed a prayer to the Emperor. It would be fine, it had to be.

"Shush" he heard. That was odd, the monster had never spoken before

"H-hello" she called out

The movement and noise suddenly stopped completely. An awkward silence followed, then she heard a quiet response

"Oo's dat?" a deep voice asked

"I'm Charlotte…are you the monster under my bed?"

There was a pause

"No, I'z be Sneaky, and I'z seen no monsters"

Charlotte smiled, it wasn't the monster. Happy at the prospect of finding someone who listened to her she asked "So, are you hunting the monster?"

"Maybe I iz" he responded "It'z 'ard work y'see, me and me boyz need a key to get to dis "monster""

"You mean daddy's keys?" the little girl answered "I can show you where daddy is, I'm sure he won't mind". She ran over to her door and tried pulling on it. "I'm sorry Mr. Sneaky, but it's locked, can you help me?"

"I'z can 'elps you little grot" the voice called out, "But you'ze gotta hide away and wait, for I needs ta be sneaky but it"

"I'll go hide in my closet, ok " Charlotte said as she moved over and closed the door mostly over. She wanted a peek at just in case he was the monster trying to fool her.

She watched as her bed was lifted up oh so slightly and moved to the back of her room, as a large heavy-set figure pulled himself out from a hole under her floor. Four more figures emerged, slightly smaller than the first and crowded her room, as the first one twisted the doorknob, growled at it, then slowly started to twist it up until the whole handle had splintered and ripped off.

Satisfied, Mr. Sneaky swung the door open to the dim corridor lighting and Charlotte could make out a deeply shaded purple scarves and bandanas all over him and the others, and a large bags on each of his backs. Content that they could deal with the monster she opened the door to a "Shush" from the other four.

"Daddy's door is all the way down there" Charlotte said, pointing to the far door "I'm gonna hide in my closet until you get back ok, in case the monster gets me"

"Roight lil grot, you do dat" grinned at her

Charlotte ran to her closet and waited. There was silence, then suddenly, yelling, gunshots, noise, more gunshots, a pair of massive bangs, a loud "SHUSH!", then silence again. She waited for what seemed like an eternity when there was a knocking on the closet door. She hesitantly opened it to see the other four figures laying bits of something all around and standing in front of her. He was just covered in some kind of red goo now, and she could see metal under some of his now frayed purple scarves.

"'Ere, take dis lil grot" he said and handed her a large bug-shaped skull that he had inside of his bag. Charlotte nearly screamed as she got a close-up look at it, it was hideous.

"Dats da monster lil grot, you'ze gotta tell da army humiez you'ze killed it dead 'k". Mr. Sneaky also dropped a small holdout gun nearby, "Iz borrowed dat, you can 'as it back now 'k"

"Umm…umm…thank you sir" Charlotte replied "Will I see you again" she asked excitedly

"Ha, silly grot, no ya won't. Remember, I'z Sneaky, you neva sees me comin'. Is loike hide n'seek but you neva foinds me again a'k" replied the big monster slayer

"Oh, Ok" the little girl said, holding back her tears

"Sorry lil grot, but I haz places to be ok. Roight boyz, let's move out"

With that they departed, hoping into the hole, with moving the bed back over. Charlotte could hear them replacing the floorboards after and dejected she went over to her bed. She had lost a friend…but he had gotten rid of her monster, so it couldn't be that bad, right?

Blissfully unaware of the larger events around her she fell into a much needed sleep, as across Hive Thestatus general panic set in. The PDF General and his command staff had fallen to a currently undetermined act of sabotage and some sensitive materials appeared to be destroyed.

A troop of guardsmen from a deployed Ascadian regiment scoured the mansion only to find a passed-out little girl, covered in blood and ichor and cradling an ornate laspistol, with the remains of a purestrain genestealer strewn around her. The guardsmens commander messaged High Command for reinforcements to deal a potential genestealer infestation. The little girl was kept in the dark about her parents passing and discreetly sent off world to her aunt.

Over the next few months multiple additional regiments landed to secure the Hive and others nearby, but very little was found in the way of genestealers, just your regular underhive scum and villany.

Some 6 months passed by after the incident when an Ork horde appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Noting the lack of heavy walkers or artillery High Command ordered the gates closed and the hive mounted Marco-weapons to open fire. Neither did however. Baffled, High Command tried to figure out what was going on when a local enginseer reported that override codes were being broadcast from OUTSIDE of the hive. Aghast, the Generals and commanding officers voxed to their troops to hold the line where ever possible when someone heard a knocking on the bunker door.

"Yes, Yes, just get in here already!" one of the Majors yelled

"Dun moind if I do" the response came

The door swung open and the officers facing it gasped, as a massive satchel charge of mixed explosives was thrown in by a hulking figure clad in purple.

"Names Sneaky, and you'ze neva see me" the voice cackled as it slammed the door shut.

BOOOOOM!


End file.
